Teach Your Children Well

 

I had a conversation today with a friend about teaching children values. She was reluctant to go heavy on the values bit with her kids (who are 5 and 3), because she wants to wait until they are old enough to make their own decisions.

"Excuse me??!!" I couldn't believe my ears.

"Let me get that clear. You want to what?" I asked her again, just to be sure I heard right.

"Well, yeah," she explained kind of sheepishly. "I don't want to confuse them. I want them to be strong, independent. They're going to have make their own choices in life, so why should I confuse them? I'll wait until they're older, and then I'll be able to explain them everything logically."

If that isn't dumb, dumber, and dumbest, I don't know what is. What makes her think that by the time her kids get that old, they will suddenly be interested in what she has to say? Parents, if this sounds good to you, then you are making a HUGE MISTAKE.

If you want your children to learn how to make good decisions, you have to give them the stuff that good decisions are made of: information, and values. And, you have to realize that young children aren't really capable of making the kind of major decisions you're talking about. They see things black and white, and the kind of choices my friend is talking about are far from black and white. Furthermore, in this day and age, refusing to teach your children values is like taking them white-water rafting but refusing to teach them to swim.

They will DROWN. Because if you don't teach your kids something, then someone else WILL. Whether they pick it up from friends, television, books, or the internet, they will get it, and millions of dollars are being spent to ensure they DO get it. Then you'll find yourself with an 11 year old spouting such nonsense-or worse-that you practically melt on the spot like the Wicked Witch of the West.

Do yourself a favor. Decide on what you believe in, and share it daily with your children. Talk to them about it, sing with them about it, read to them about it. Your kids need to know who they are, and who you are is what you believe, whether you like it or not. Education plays a role, and so does what you experience, but you can rise or sink depending on what you believe - or don't believe - in.

What if you could say, "I don't have a problem in the world?"

What does it mean to be successful?

I found this video on Jeff Herring's blog, and thought I'd pass it on to you.

This is a video about Johnnie Tuitel , a motivational speaker with cerebral palsy, who was kicked off a US Airways flight because he was “too disabled to fly.” He was flying to speak at a convention, and missed his gig because of the U.S. Airways decision.

So many times we complain about not having everything we need to fulfill our dreams, or we blame others for our lack of success. Perhaps we need to really take a deeper look at ourselves, and realize that the only thing that stops us from success is ourselves.

 

Great New Internet Marketing Course! FREE!

I like this course a lot. It's free, but more importantly, looks like it will provide a great support group. I'm looking forward to using it to help me market my blog, http://teachingthefuture.net

I've just finished Market Samurai's Challenge, and so this is a great follow-up. 

Take a look at it- you can learn from his marketing tactics as well.

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Struggling with Post-Adoption Depression

I read an interesting post about today about post-adoption depression.
One of the things that struck me was this statement:

Well, the foster care system has a long and arduous process but unlike
overseas adoption, your baby is with you DURING that process. I think
the biggest shock for me was that my Mother’s Instinct that I grew to
rely on with my two biological children didn’t kick in quite the same
with Izaiah.

I don’t know why but I have a feeling it was because I was a complete
stranger to this child when he was “delivered” to me. When you are
pregnant, you have 9 months to feel connected and get to “know” your
baby. This lack of confidence in knowing what he wanted when he cried
coupled with the internal desire to make his life better than the life
he knew before me was quite defeating and soon sent me into a
whirlwind of anxiety, frustration and depression. I was a good mom two
other times, what was wrong with me THIS time?

This is so true, not just for adoptive parents, but foster parents as
well.I think many adoptive and even foster parents underestimate how
you really need to work hard to bond with a new child. We personally
foster two little girls, and we have friends that are also involved in
foster care. We also have friends that have adopted.

Just the other day a friend of mine who is a foster mom commented on
how she is bothered by the fact that she can't seem to really feel
close with a newly arrived baby. I reminded her that there is
something to be said for knowing that there really is some special
sort of bond formed with a biological child.

It's not just about having had more time to get to know the child.
It's about recognizing that you also used to throw terrible tantrums
at that age (or so your mother tells you). It's about seeing a pouty
face and recognizing that your husband does exactly the same thing.

I'm not saying you can't bond with a child who is not your own-of
course you can. But it is rarely instantaneous. It takes time until
you learn how to recognize the special rhythms of this child, the
expressions, the desires; everything that makes that child who they
are.

As much as you may want to love them as your own, they are first their
biological mother and father's child. You will have to work on making
them your own as well.

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Attention Enhancement Seats

Rock On' Keeps Your ADHD Child Intrigued and Active

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What a neat seat! I can't see this being used in a traditional classroom, but I think that you could find a lot of uses for it at home. The site has some really nice designs; they even have a rocking chair that takes up very little space and is close to the floor:

If you decide to buy it (I am not an affiliate) let me know who uses it in your house, and when.

How do you take 5 minutes for yourself?

Mom, Take 5!

It's not easy being a mom. So often we spend time giving to our husbands, children, friends, work, and others that we forget we need to give to ourselves as well. When I was a young mom I often felt guilty taking time for myself (unless it was to read a book!), but as my children grew and I grew along with them, I realized how ridiculous that was.

Mind you, my main reason I felt guilty was because I thought Supermoms like me should never need to take a break. Believe me, it didn't take too many years before I changed my mind about that. Nowadays my favorite escape is still reading a good book, but since we live near fields and woods taking a walk, those are also fine by me.

What do you do to take a break?

 

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Child’s Ordeal Shows Risks of Psychosis Drugs for Young

http://video.nytimes.com/?src=vidm                    

When I saw this article in the NY Times, it struck a chord in me. That's because I have seen over and over again children who are misunderstood: by their parents, by their caretakers, by the professionals that treat them. I think the missing piece is the understanding that children don't want to act in a way that gains them negative approval, censure- that causes those around them to like them just a little bit less. 

When faced with a child who acts out so severely, professionals need to ask themselves, "What is this child trying to tell me by this kind of behavior? And why does he feel the need to tell me in such an extreme, self-injurious fashion? Ths sad thing in this case is that anyone who would have done an hour-long observation should have seen instantly what the problem was. Kyle at 3 was barely even speaking single words. Even at 18 months such a severe speech delay is quite noticeable. A half-hour follow-up discussion with the mother would most likely have revealed an inexperienced mother who needed support and direction dealing with a child who would be a challenge even for an experienced parent.

Unfortunately, it all comes down to money; it's a lot cheaper to medicate, than it is to put in the type of family supports a child like this needs in order to be successful. But I have to wonder if in the long run such reliance on medication alone is truly cheaper: add up the cost of Risperadol an all the other medications this child's insurance company was paying, and multiply that by the number of years Kyle spent heavily medicated. I have a feeling the two treatments are a lot closer in price than many would like to admit.

So what it comes down to is parent awareness, and parent advocacy. Just because you don't know the answer, don't assume that every professional who treats your child does know. If you feel something isn't quite right, get a second opinion, from other professionals, and from other parents who are in your situation. In the end, you know your child best.